The Omen Remake sucks.

All remakes are needless, but this update of “The Omen” is especially so.

Not only was there nothing wrong with the 1976 horror classic, in which the Antichrist wreaks havoc on Earth as an innocent-looking 5-year-old boy, but the original stands as one of the most frightening movies. Ever.

It’s so ingrained in our pop culture, all you have to do is say the name Damien and everyone instantly knows you’re talking about a demonic child.

So why mess with it?

Thirty years later, the makers of “The Omen” barely have. They’re exceedingly faithful to the original — too faithful, actually — including having “Omen” screenwriter David Seltzer return to tweak his own script.

It’s not a shot-for-shot remake like Gus Van Sant’s pointless “Psycho” from 1998, but it’s close. The structure, characters, setting, events and even giant chunks of dialogue are all the same. One can only assume the intention was to appease the purists, but in doing so, director John Moore (”Behind Enemy Lines”) has breathed no new life into the material.

Tiny changes here and there inevitably contemporize the film. It takes place in the modern day, so the characters have cell phones.

When Julia Stiles — filling in for Lee Remick as Damien’s unsuspecting mother — begins to think there’s something wrong with her child, she immediately goes into therapy.

And Liev Schreiber — standing in for Gregory Peck as the father who surreptitiously brings the demon spawn into their lives — cries way more than Peck ever would have dreamed. Peck’s Robert Thorn choked up a little when he learned his wife had died, but mostly he held it together; here, as troubles mount, Schreiber is wiping away tears half the time. It’s the sensitive-man remake of “The Omen.”

But in the most feeble effort at modernizing the material, this “Omen” vaguely attempts to be politically relevant. A montage of photographs at the start suggests that the devil is everywhere, all the time — on Sept. 11, at Abu Ghraib, etc. — and we just don’t know it. The visit to an ancient biblical city toward the end of the film features flashes of flags, both Israeli and Palestinian. Such references feel tossed in.

More important, though, it isn’t even scary. It’s so similar to the original that we already know what’s coming. And because it adheres so closely, it only serves as a reminder of the superiority of Richard Donner’s original.

Plot Outline: Two college friends, Marie and Alexa, encounter loads of trouble (and blood) while on holiday at Alexa’s parent’s country home when a mysterious killer invades their quiet getaway.

Plot Synopsis: Two female college students, Marie and Alexa, set off to Alex’s parent’s secluded homestead in the country to relax and study. Come nightfall, Hell pulls up at the front door when a mysterious killer breaks in and kills Alexa’s father, mother, brother and pet dog. Alex is now bound and gagged, taken off by the killer, with Marie not far behind eluding the intruder. Can she save her friend’s life in time? Or is everything all that it seems…?

Here’s a quote from Amazon about this one:

Home to some of the world’s best food and fashion, the French also have the wonderful habit of producing some of the world’s best movies. With High Tension, French director Alexandre Aja offers up a bloody buffet of terror; a violent concoction of style over substance, with a bloody French twist. Two college girlfriends, Maria and Alex, take a weekend to study at the secluded country home of Alex’s parents. Shortly after their arrival, a mysterious killer appears, and things take a shockingly terrible turn for the worse. As the horror and body count rises, Maria and Alex find themselves fighting for their lives, and it’s revealed that things are not exactly as they seem. Essentially a one-act cat-and-mouse affair, High Tension is an explosive bloody thrill ride that rarely lets up. Oozing style in every color-saturated frame and boasting some intense performances, Aja mainly succeeds in sustaining an intense momentum throughout the film. The plot occasionally suffers from a thin, flimsy storyline, and the abundant graphic scenes of violence will either thrill and delight, or simply disgust. Nonetheless, this adrenalin-fueled addition to the genre gives the American slasher flick a real run for its money. High Tension is high-art horror, and comes highly recommended. –Matt Wold

Do yourself a favor and order a copy of High Tension.

Tonight, I think I’ll just put on Cube. Fear… Paranoia… Suspicion… Desperation

7 complete strangers of widely varying personality characteristics are involuntarily placed in an endless kafkaesque maze containing deadly traps.

Here’s another opinion:

If Clive Barker had written an episode of The Twilight Zone, it might have looked something like Cube. A handful of strangers wake up inside a bizarre maze, having been spirited there during the night. They quickly learn that they have to navigate their way through a series of chambers if they have any hope of escape, but the problem is that there are lethal traps awaiting if they choose their route unwisely. Having established some imaginative and grisly punishments in store for the hostages, cowriter and director Vincenzo Natali turns his attention to the characters, for whom being trapped amplifies their best and worst qualities. The film is, in fact, similar to a famous episode of Rod Serling’s old television series, though Natali’s explanation for why these poor people are being put through hell is a lot closer to the spirit of The X-Files. Cube has some solid moments of suspense and drama, and the sets are appropriately striking: one is tempted to believe at first the characters are lost inside a computer chip. –Tom Keogh

If you haven’t seen this one yet, check it out soon.

Order it: Cube

Bubba Ho-Tep (Limited Collector’s Edition) (2002)

Don Coscarelli directs and Bruce Campbell stars as the King of Camp in this intentionally over-the-top schlockfest. Bubba Ho-Tep is partially about Elvis Presley and partially about the title character, an Egyptian cowboy zombie, but mostly it is about camp. The movie is equal parts story and back story. We learn through narration and flashback how Elvis didn’t really die, ending up instead in a rest home in East Texas with JFK (played by Ossie Davis), who was dyed black and had his brain removed, presumably for reasons of national security. Campbell and Davis realize that something strange is going on when their rest-home compatriots start dropping off suspiciously. The whole movie leads up to a final showdown to the death with the Egyptian cowboy zombie who has been sucking the souls of their fellow residents because he thought no one would notice. The movie unfolds a bit slowly; it is, after all, a geriatrics-fight-Egyptian-cowboy-zombie movie. However, one wishes this self-conscious movie’s pacing took its cue from the atypically fast-moving zombie instead of from the senior-citizen Elvis and JFK. In the end, though, Campbell is flawless as the aged King; his accent, intonations, glasses, and trademark karate are at the same time sincere and over the top. –Brian Saltzman

Bubba Ho-Tep may have the most substantial and most worthwhile bonus features of any single-disc DVD release. “The Making of Bubba Ho-Tep” focuses on effects, make-up, and the musical score (which includes Don Coscarelli interviewing the composer, Brian Taylor). While the focus isn’t on the filmmaking itself, the 45-minute, four-part documentary (which can be viewed in segments or in its entirety) is an insightful exposé with lots of screen time for Bruce Campbell and Don Coscarelli discussing the success of the film on the festival circuit and the financial and industry challenges of making an “Elvis and JFK aren’t dead Egyptian zombie” movie that is set in Texas. The making-of is the heart of the bonus features, but there are also a couple of deleted scenes, a photo gallery, TV and theatrical trailers, and two commentary tracks, one by Campbell and Coscarelli and one by Campbell playing Elvis (”the King”). The limited edition also includes a small scrapbook liner note insert with photos and a brief letter from Bruce Campbell. –Brian Saltzman

Bubba Ho-Tep (Limited Collector’s Edition)

Now this is a Horror Movie. At least one with some creativity! If you have not seen this yet, do yourself a favor and order it as soon as you can.

I ordered Dead Alive a few weeks ago because a friend recommended it. For some reason it was not readily available at my local shop so I ordered it online. Well worth it.

Throw out all your preconceptions about the limits of horror! A new standard has been set with Dead Alive - The Mother of All Horror Films.

On a quiet street, in a small town, pure evil has come to stay. Lionel, an innocent young man, is forced to care for his domineering mother and finds the task a whole lot more demanding after she’s bitten by the cursed Sumatran rat monkey. Passing the point of death, Lionel’s mother sucks friends and family into her gruesome existence among the living dead and Lionel is sent spiraling into a ghoulish nightmare.

now a crazed zombie, she soon infects enough people to make it difficult for Lionel, still the faithful son, to keep the neighbors from suspecting that something is terribly wrong.

Dead Alive is dripping with state-of-the-art special effects that feature mutilations, rock ‘n roll dismemberments and household appliances, combining into the most bizarre ending ever filmed.

In case you forgot, Peter Jackson is also the director of The Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring, The Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers, and The Lord of the Rings - Return Of The King.

I highly recommend Dead Alive for the gore loving splatter fiends!

Tagline: A Tale Of Murder, Mayhem and Revenge
Plot Synopsis: Sequel to ‘House of 1000 Corpses’ is set some months later with the Texas State Police making a full-scale attack against the murderous Firefly family residence for the 1,000+ murders and disappearances of the past several years. But three of the family members escape, including Otis, Baby Firefly and Baby’s father Captain Spaulding. The evil trio go on a road trip, leaving dozens of mangled bodies in their wake. Evading a massive Texas Rangers dragnet as well as a group of equally murderous bounty hunters led by Ken Dwyer (the brother of a policeman Mamma Firefly killed in ‘House of…’) who’s obsessed with finding the deadly killers, the surviving Firefly clan gather at a run-down amusement park owned by Captain Spaulding’s half-brother, Charlie Altamont, whom offers them shelter and a new base of operations for their killing spree as Sheriff Dwyer, the Texas Rangers, the FBI and others slowly close in.

Actors: Sid Haig, Bill Moseley, Sheri Moon, William Forsythe, Ken Foree, See more
Directors: Rob Zombie
Format: Closed-captioned, Color, Widescreen, Ntsc

“Dark Water” (search) is the latest American remake of a Japanese horror film hoping to scare up an audience this weekend.

As if the character played by Oscar-winner Jennifer Connelly (search) (”A Beautiful Mind”) doesn’t have enough to deal with in a child custody fight, the divorced mom and her daughter move into a disturbingly spooky building.

“She’s faced with that sort of choice between her and her daughter’s being threatened, and she makes that choice — she’ll do anything to protect her daughter and to keep her safe, and as a parent, I think I absolutely recognize that there’s no question,” Connelly told FOX News.

From Scotsman

THE restored Usher Hall organ is set to ring out a symphony of terror to accompany a screening of the classic horror film Nosferatu.

The 1922 German movie is credited as being the first ever film version of Bram Stoker’s Dracula, and has inspired almost every version made since then.

It is one of the untouchable classics, that is for sure.

And audiences are to be treated to an experience its backers hope will recapture the atmosphere of going to the cinema in the early days of film.

The silent black and white German film was directed by FW Murnau and originally came with the warning “Nosferatu - the name alone can chill the blood”.

It was a huge success when first released at the cinema, always accompanied by a resident organist providing the soundtrack.

What a night of horror film and sound.

Nosferatu is an inspirational vampire piece that is more than timeless.

One of the best punk hardcore bands ever has had their album cover art ripped off by Nike.

The band Minor Threat has had Nike steal their “Complete Discography” art and use it in an ad.

Dischord isn’t too happy about it either. In this statement released.

No, they stole it and we’re not happy about it. Nike is a giant corporation which is attempting to manipulate the alternative skate culture to create an even wider demand for their already ubiquitous brand. Nike represents just about the antithesis of what Dischord stands for and it makes me sick to my stomach to think they are using this explicit imagery to fool kids into thinking that the general ethos of this label, and Minor Threat in particular, can somehow be linked to Nike’s mission. It’s disgusting.

I try to follow shark attacks due to my infatuation with Jaws and sea-horror.

And it has been a long time since the shark attack of 2004. But it has happened again, this time a girl.

From NY Daily News

‘Jaws’ horror kills girl
Shark bites off her leg near Florida.

A 14-year-old girl paddling on a Boogie board met a gruesome end yesterday when a bloodthirsty 11-foot shark viciously tore off her leg in waters off a crowded Florida beach.

Despite the heroic efforts of a surfer who risked his life to pull the maimed teen to shore, she later died - becoming the first person killed by a shark in the U.S. this year.

The terrifying incident happened on the first weekend of summer - and the 30th anniversary of the release of the movie “Jaws” - as the girl and a pal enjoyed the surf 200 yards from a coastal campground on Florida’s Panhandle.

“They saw a dark shape in the water,” Walton County Sheriff’s Department Lt. Frank Owens told the Daily News.

“Then one girl saw her friend get pulled under the water. … The shark was feeding on a large school of fish at the time.”

Ouch. Just another victim. Why do people not take the sea/ocean seriously? Do they not think about all the sea creatures who inhabit the waters?

Knocked from her board, the girl, who was visiting the Sunshine State from Gonzales, La., thrashed under the water with the predator.

Her friend, also 14, started paddling furiously toward shore to get help.

“A surfer nearby saw the attack and - with considerable danger to himself - came over with the shark right there and grabbed the girl,” Owens said.

“He couldn’t have been braver,” he added. Despite the tragic outcome, “this man could be called a hero.”

The names of the victim, who was pronounced dead at a local hospital, her friend and the surfer were not immediately released by police.

It was not clear what type of shark attacked the girl, and authorities brought in an expert to try to identify the killer’s species.

“The girl was some distance from the shore,” said Stan Kirkland, spokesman for the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. “I don’t think anyone got a good view of the shark.”

The attack was believed to be the first in the U.S. this year and led to the closing of about 20 miles of beaches in Walton County, Coast Guard officials said.

“I didn’t know that when I was told to get out it was a shark,” said Robert Goodwin, 12, of St. Louis. “I was like, what? Wow, that’s not cool.”

Thirty shark attacks were reported in the U.S. last year. One, off Hawaii, was fatal. Worldwide, there were 61 attacks, including seven that were fatal, last year.

The Florida attack comes just two weeks after a surfer off the Jersey Shore was bitten on the foot.

Yesterday’s victim and her friend were visiting relatives in Destin, a town of more than 11,000 people on the Gulf of Mexico, and enjoying the beach at the Camping on the Gulf Holiday Travel Park. The manager of the park declined to comment.

Just before the tragedy, the girls paddled past deep water and stopped at a sandbar, where the warm surf was only a few feet deep, a Walton County official said.

Residents of the popular tourist destination, crowded with sun-lovers on a day with temperatures in the upper 80s, were stunned by the shark attack, which Owens said was the first in the county in decades.

Though Florida only had 12 shark attacks off its coast last year, it had the largest number of documented shark attacks worldwide in 2003, with 30, according to the International Shark Attack File, a group at the Florida Museum of Natural History.

Add another ‘Jaws’ attack to the records. As long as people inhabit the shore lines and beach fronts and water ways, there will be attacks.